Q: At what times is it appropriate to make phone calls in Ghana?
A: ANYTIME! Any time at all! The person you’re calling doesn’t answer at 11:36 pm? No problem, call them at 5:22 the next morning! Seriously, no trouble at all. None. Whatsoever.

Q: At home, I use reusable menstrual products. But in Ghana I’m worried that I won’t be able to find clean water. Should I switch to tampons while I’m there?
A: You might think you should, but honestly, it’s a toss-up. If you are outside the center of the major southern cities, it’s equally hard to find a place to dispose of your used tampons. If you’re willing to use bottled water to clean your sea sponges, it might even be easier.

Q: Do you think that was TMI?
A: There’s no such thing as TMI about bodily functions in Ghana.

Q: What if, on the day before I leave, I give the bag I have been using for most of the trip to one of my students, only to realize, when I am an hour and a half away and it’s very dark, that my passport is still in that bag’s hidden pocket?
A: Well. Since you asked.
It’s kind of stupid to get into that situation in the first place. Even if you’re wearing a dress that precludes wearing your magical passport belt, you should make sure you put your passport back in its magical belt EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, even if you’re stressed out about leaving.
But if this does happen, then you’d better just hope you have some of the most loving, thoughtful and responsible students in the world. And the phone numbers of their relatives.

Q: What are you doing at an internet cafe on the day you’re leaving Ghana anyway?
A: Hypothetically, printing my e-ticket confirmation. Thanks for asking.

Q: How do you answer your phone in Ghana?
A: Say “Hello good morning” (or “afternoon” or “evening,” as appropriate). If you leave off the “good [time of day],” the caller will continue to say it himself until you respond in kind.

Q: How are your toenails doing?
A: What?

Q: Have you read the title of this post?
A: Okay, point.

Q: What could I do if I were allergic to tomatoes?
A: You’re not, are you?

Q: Nope, just curious. What could I do?
A: Not go to Ghana. In fact, from what I’ve heard about the neighboring countries, I would advise avoiding West Africa altogether.

Q: How do you begin a performance in Ghana?
A: With an opening prayer, obviously! And then an introduction of the chairman, and then the chairman has to make a speech, and then the emcee has to banter for five minutes in a language you don’t understand! Jeez, didn’t you even know that?

Q: Tro-tro prices were raised five days before I was scheduled to leave Ghana.
A: That’s not a question. But I’m sorry, that sucks. Although you should acknowledge that the rates on tro-tros are still much cheaper than the prices you usually pay for public transportation.

Q: That’s not the point! When you live in a country, you live at the scale it offers you, not the scale of someplace that’s far away.
A: Also not a question.

Q: Somebody’s prickly today.
A: Well, I have a flight in twelve hours! Could you just ask a fucking question?

Q: Excuse me, but aren’t you supposed to be “Answer”?
A: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Q: Okay.

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